Screen 1
ONE:
Exterior establishing, New Bastion, in the Tanitin SW. This is Allyria’s oldest settlement on Tanitin over 100 years old, now, and – as you can see from the map – well-placed to be the major overland transit-point between the Rest and the Easterly. Thinking of it as St. Louis-meets-New York, a cross of the westward expansion and the immigrant arrival point, might not be out of line – a lot of settlers start out from here in their quest for home and hearth in the Easterly, and Odom immigrants arrive regularly.
Architecturally, the city has strong Allyrian overtones, as befits its founding, but there’s a surrounding shoddiness due to the rapid construction and influx of populace. It’s crowded, and an industrial heart has begun to emerge, with all that entails.
The outlying Southern end of town – away from the “Aether Bay” you can see on the map to the north – is a shanty-town, called The Crumble; this part of town is overcrowded, dirty, noisy, and generally rough.
1. CAPTION/locator: New Bastion – Tanitin Southwest.
2. TAILLESS: You’re thinking this is a good idea
why exactly?
TWO:
Angle on SABRE and WESTFIELD, as they make their way down a shadowed, crowded alley in The Crumble. It’s kind of nasty here – RATS and rat-like PEOPLE. They’re attracting some attention.
SABRE is dressed for the outing; WESTFIELD can’t be bothered to change his clothes.
SABRE is grinning.
3. SABRE: Oh, it’s most certainly not a good idea.
4. SABRE: It is, however, the idea we shall
pursue.
Screen 2
ONE:
Reverse previous, past SABRE and WESTFIELD, to see the FACADE of a rickety two-room shack wedged between walls at the end of the alley. The ENTRANCE is covered with a TARP, nothing more.
1. SABRE: And here we are.
2. WESTFIELD:
TWO:
Tight past SABRE, entering. We can see a SIGN, faded paint.
The LADY of STARS
FORTUNES DISCERNED!
CONNECTION TO THE AETHER REVEALED!
FATES FORETOLD!
NO COPY.
Um…let me just say that when you see a fortune-teller in Hunter Black, it was planned way before I saw this page.
Of course, I expect our fortune-teller to be way different from whoever Lady Sabre is looking to see. Sigh.
I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like I’ve got a lock on fortune-tellers in literature, man.
I have to say I love Lady Sabre’s dialog (Oh it most certainly is not a good idea)–almost seems an echo of Mal choosing to deal with Patience from Firefly.
And her look here is great–I like it better than the ruffles and flourishes she normally affects. The jaunty beret and arched eyebrow hurt not at all.
It’s kind of jarring that the text on the fortune teller’s sign is clearly typed on.
The alignment is all weird – assuming “Lady of Stars” is in the middle of the sign, “Fortunes Discerned” is off center. Without the notes, I would have guessed that the second line is “Action to the Aether rev[?]“- there’s not enough space for “Connection”. Also, Sabre’s finger should only partially obscure FATES.
“Should?”
Definitely “should” … the upper line of her finger is well below the upper limit of the letters of that line. Top parts of “F” through “E” should definitely be visible, or the height of the letters of that line should be reduced.
Also, the fortune teller should fire whoever mis-spelled “foretold” on her sign. (Or, if that is still editable text, it would do well to fix the typo)
Hadn’t caught the misspelling on the sign – will correct in the trade, I suspect. Surprised I missed it for so long – thank you for pointing it out.
As to the rest, though, not sure I agree – if the concern is that the lettering doesn’t look centered, well, I’m not certain it should’ve been. If the concern is that the sign isn’t entirely readable, honestly, I think that’s a difference in storytelling style; I don’t think it needs to be explicit in the art. The sign conveys enough information as to the locale and the person within. While the entire text for the sign is included in the script, it needn’t have been in the art.
Exactly! What I was trying to say is that it seems obvious that the sign has been typed on to the image, around the existing art, thus breaking immersion. I’d prefer more of it to be obscured, not less. I’m not bothered by the design skills and spelling (or lack thereof) of The Lady of Stars’ sign maker, but that it looks like an info dump instead of a sign.
What I’d do- design the sign as a whole, probably as a square, so you can fit more of it on the panel. Mask out the shape of Sabre’s head, body and hand, and pop the sign behind her.
At least it’s a start
I like the design of the ships
I’m with Yuri on the dialogue, love it. Lady Sabre sure is a classy woman, I don’t think there’s another quite like her in all of comics.
I have a question regarding panel 2: What is the black circle/hole attached (or in the sky behind) to the tower in the top right hand corner? Is it part of the building, or some kind of peculiar sun?
You know, I have no idea – that one’s going to need to be fielded by Rick!
Guys, I have no idea what that is. I went back and looked at the original color files, both the Manga Studio file and the converted jpeg. That black spot doesn’t appear on either file. Should we call the Ghost Hunters?
It’s probably a dark matter projectile fired by that UFO that’s flying around back there to it’s left. It’s fairly interesting that the three objects in the sky in that panel form a perfectly foreshortened equilateral triangle.
The “spooky” story arc has certainly gotten off to a good start.
I’d say that’s likely the person who adjusts the image for publication having messed up and having accidentally tapped the image with a round brush in Photoshop while blackening the gutters before upload without noticing.
Just a theory. I’d also be surprised if that circle didn’t disappear later today when said person gets back home to the computer. Whomever that anonymous person may be.
The circle is gone. Now we all look like crazy people.
How mysterious that we shall never know who it was.
Obviously it’s a visible effect of the ineffable aether.
An aether squall or something.
FF must still have the image cached for me, I still see the circle.